What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
