How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
