are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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