Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
