I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
