She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
