Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
