if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
