I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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