I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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