my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
