All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
love makes seman taste better
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
