I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
