I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize