I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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