Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
