Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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