i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
