Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
