I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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