I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
