i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
