I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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