You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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