i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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