this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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