Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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