i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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