the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
did you just send me my own nude
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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