Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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