$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
