you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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