im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
