At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
