my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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