I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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