so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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