there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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