Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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