guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
