he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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