I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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