were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
