True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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