What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
