Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
