Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
