One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
