Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
