you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
