i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
