i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize