im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
