i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
one might say we're banned from that church
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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