I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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