party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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