my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
