having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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