Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
