was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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