two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize