The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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