I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
