Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
