I hate your face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize