Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
