I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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