I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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