I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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