Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize