Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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