I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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