So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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