I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
