When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
