I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
