hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
