i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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