i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is Oprah even human
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
