The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize