sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
