He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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