New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize