We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
