come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
