I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
